Everyone deals with this in different ways, both the person with the ailment and the people in their lives. I have already seen the spectrum of reactions, from those mentioned previously to tears to poorly-timed but well intentioned humor and everything in between. I'm new to this, but I have already been reflecting on my actions with some of the people I've known that have bad serious ailments. There is a sense that I have needed to contact them right away and say something, otherwise I'm not a real friend, etc. I have felt it: like there's some window past which it it too late to call or email, etc. Being on the other side of the fence, I hope no one feels that way with me.
This convention that I'm playing at is a science fiction convention, and people dress up in all manner of costumes. Darth Vader, Klingons, characters from cartoons, tv shows, etc. I saw one woman that gave me pause: she was thin and pale, perhaps 25, with a chemo-shaved head. She was in an electric wheelchair and wearing a hospital gown. She was either a fan that was coming out to the con while very sick (and hooray for her, if so), or wearing a costume that was in very poor taste.
And this made me think that I'm a part of that culture now. Whether I like it of not, I'll always be a part of that club. And I can see it being a big part of someone's personality and daily life, or a minor part. I have no idea how it will sit with me. Certainly it is a big part of my life right now, but I hope that it will be only a minor matter -- requiring only occasional checkups -- a year from now.
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I hope so too.
Golly, now I can post! Mike just told me that by phone a while ago. It was, um, problematic before.
--D
I love it! I love it! No kidding, that Google ID thing was murder, because it insisted that I was actually somebody else, so I choose a new username and password, it said fine, tell us your username. Which I kept doing over and over.
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then the Internet is turning out a lot of insane people.
--Paw
Anyway, about the girl with the shaved head in the wheelchair. So far, so good, but wearing a hospital gown? Sounds fake. Nobody wears those things if they can help it.
Reminds me of those socks with the non-skid bits on the soles, that you always take home and wash and think there must be a use for. Has anyone ever used those at home?
--Paw
@Paw: Nope. No one uses those socks. But they stay in the drawer forever--a melancholy souvenir from a terrible vacation. I should go throw them in the donation bag right now!
Hey Mike,
I know EXACTLY how this goes...Both through Rachel's experience with her brain tumor and with my own experience as a widower - People DO treat you differently and may not be sure how to be around you...You have to give them some grace; there's no manual on how to be with someone who's experiencing illness or loss, so some people may be uncomfortable with how to react...
I will say this: For Rachel and myself, humor was our greatest asset...We eventually got to a point where we could laugh about the darkest aspects of what we were going through - it could certainly be a bit much to handle for other people who didn't understand, but it helped us so much...Laughing at it meant that, while it controlled pretty much everything else in our lives, it couldn't control our spirit...
I'm not going to give you advice (unless you ask)...I'm simply going to commiserate and tell you what happened with me...I am happy to help you, as my friend and fellow musician, in whatever capacity that I can...
- Scott Keever
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