Monday, November 01, 2010

Return to near normalcy

Today was the big day: catheter out at Mayo. Everything went as planned and, without getting too much into the details of the procedure, I'm healing well and am on the road to being something like normal once again.

Today I'm mainly feeling frustration, though. I was very much at the end of my own patience with this thing on Saturday, and even though the pain had lessened to just a constant ache and burn (as opposed to a tearing sensation) I just could not stand to have this thing any more. Too many changes, modifications, things I can't do or have to do differently. Sleeping was difficult, napping was nearly impossible, walking was painful, etc. Etc. So it's gone, and I'm glad for that. The process was embarrassing and it still is. Early on I made a conscious effort to share the whole story, buy it takes a strong constitution that I do not always possess to talk frankly about socially embarrassing things like this. I end up resenting myself, the world, life. Really I want to turn it all off and return everyone to their regularly scheduled programming. But I'm not quite done dealing with the inconvenience of this, though I would like to be.

As the dust settles, for the most part now my job is to try to make up for 5 months of lost time with school and work, and to try to not worry too much about my 3 month followup at Mayo.

I am thankful for the support, feedback and encouragement that I have had throughout this process. I have learned a great deal about family and friendship. I have been surprised at the cornucopia of reactions to my situation, from panic to apathy. I have found that some of the people I thought I was close to before, I really wasn't... and vice versa. In all, I have learned and have grown.