Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Waiting for the Wisdom to Come.

The past year has been full of sad celebrations and painful anniversaries in our Life Without Michael. This month, the month when we all knew, really knew, that we were losing him, has been very hard, and it will not get any easier in the weeks that follow. 

There still are no words for the enormity of my loss, but I struggle to find them anyway. I want my remembrances to be about Michael and the mark he left on this world. But mostly I see the hole that he left in mine. 

His death and my grief have changed my life. The profound sense of loss leads me to read and think about the grief process and seek understanding. I keep hoping that time will provide answers. Each month has brought an increased sense of "normalcy" to my New Normal life, but I am still waiting for the wisdom and I mourn the brown-eyed boy who was my son. I miss my Michael so very, very much.

I watched the "GriefWalker" documentary tonight and was introduced to Steve Jenkinson's ideas on grief and dying. He message is that we should not fear Death and that Grief and Love of Life are two twin parts of being human. Perhaps he has some answers for me.

Photo by Michael David Matheny