Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Bends

I have been off line so much partially because the chemo appears to be affecting my eyesight as well, making me slightly more farsighted temporarily. Focusing on my iphone for any length of time gave me piercing eye/head pain. And I just moved and haven't set up the computer yet, since I don't have a desk. 5 steps forward, 6 steps back. I love the new house though and am busying myself by getting things sorted here. It is a much healthier place to be in than my last apartment which was cramped and dark. Kaia loves her yard as well.

In general, Im feeling like I have the bends. I've never had the bends, but this is my idea of what they would be like. My joints and muscles ache, chest feels tight. I feel unsettled, restless. Fevers come and go. Having a hard time sleeping, even with Ambien. Nausea is slight yet constant.

Yesterday was perhaps the worst day yet as far as general malaise goes. Up until this point my biggest concern had been the nausea, which was fairly well controlled. I had been thinking, if need be I could easily do another round if they wanted. Yesterday I began thinking that I'm not sure if I would. Or at least, I'd likely have an anxiety attack as they're putting the needle in, knowing what was on the other side.

The nice thing is that hopefully this is it for the chemo. The tumor is shrinking (this is my intuition and observation talking). This will be confirmed by the CT, then we'll start talking about surgery. That will be adventure #2, about which I am trepidacious. I am likewise looking forward to getting through it all and looking back on this from the perspective of time. May not have much more to report until the CT scan on 9/7, as I should be steadily improving until then.


Eclector2 said...

I like the power of positive thinking attitude. Please let us know if you need help with anything or want company in your new house.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're staying positive. I need to, also. And thanks for the tip on Ucare. It compares favorably to Humana, my current HMO, which is being targeted by the Obamanoids. Docs are fleeing it as fast as they can. I can't sign up for a while yet. Meantime, let's do lunch somewhere near your house so I can see it after you're pretty much moved in.


normahohl said...

Trepidacious--wonderful word! Says volumes in 12 letters.

cmmastro said...

I'm happy you and Kaia both enjoy the house.

Anonymous said...

Sometime next week can I come over for coffee, some unpacking, and perhaps a talk about what you would like your yard to look like? If you want, I think I can organize a little yard transformation yet in September. Sorry the chemo is getting harder, but I know it's going to be over soon.


Kimberly Schultz said...

You've been in my thoughts a lot, Michael. I'm glad to hear (from previous post) that the move has been a positive one, and that you and Kaia are enjoying the new house and yard. I've given some of TLSF tracks a listen, and think you sound great!! I hope that you continue to find strength and healing through family (Kaia included), friends, music, and all of the good things in life.

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