Saturday, August 25, 2012

Dark companion

There's a song by Tuxedomoon called "Dark Companion" which Michael and I played on our radio show at Macalester back in the 80s. It's a dark, jangly kind of a song, which suits my mood rather well. Here's a link, if you care to check it out.

I thought of it not long ago, as I was musing about the specter of grief that I carry around with me. It's odd, but sometimes grief is elusive.

I know it's there - it sneaks up on me when I am driving, or walking, or doing any of a thousand ordinary things. I have that moment when I realize that my brother is gone, and I feel the tears welling up. Sometimes - when I am driving, most often - I put it aside, because I don't have time for it. Other times, I try to let it come to me, so that I can come to terms with it, and I find that it... slips away.

It's like this dark companion, hanging around at the edge of my perception. Some of the color of the world goes away, and some of the warmth. There's a hole in my world.

I miss my brother.


Deborah in MN said...

He was a wonderful man. He left a big hole in many people's lives. The longer someone has been part of your life and the more experiences you have shared, the more you lose when they go. Plus, losing someone who loves you as only a close family member can do is a shock to your soul. I remember the pain when my Dad died. Occasionally the grief will hit me again, though not as hard, even though it's been 16 years. No one will ever love me like he did.

TootsNYC said...

I feel that way w/ my Mom now and then. Most often I find that it slips away before I can really feel it.

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