Round 2, Part 2.

Off to chemo again shortly with JL. This will be the first time for her seeing the actual process firsthand. It's actually fairly boring in general, but I get nervous with the needle sticks to get the IV in. Once that's in and running, it's fairly easy.

Today I will get only one drug: the Gemcitabine (Gemzar). This one is easier on the system, causing only a little nausea. The first day of the cycle (which was last week for this cycle) they give me the Cisplatin and Gemzar, plus a steroid, plus a whole bunch of saline since the Cisplatin is so hard on the kidneys. Luckily the IV is on a pole and I'm allowed too e around, 'cause I have to get up to use the bathroom like every 1/2 hour of the 5 hour treatment with all that liquid going in.

In my first round they also gave me an IV steroid, but that kept me up and unable to sleep well for about 3 days. I have talked them into giving me no steroid at all with the Gemzar, so I may be tired tonight but at least I will sleep.

Last week was rough, in all. Upping the Cisplatin plus just the cumulative effect of this all meant that I was good for nothing whatsoever on Thursday and even Friday, and have felt nauseous and tired all week. Yesterday the appetite was coming back slightly, and I slept well on Saturday night, not as well last night.

In all, the recovery back to 100% seems to be taking a little longer each week. Since this experience is so different from person to person; there really isn't a "normal" here. The course, type, delivery and duration of chemo varies so much from one patient to the next (depending on the cancer's location, severity, stage, age of patient) that reports from other people regarding the severity or lack thereof of their own chemo experiences are helpful Information, but still somewhat irrelevant to what I will experience. Even the docs cant tell me 100%: they can give good guidelines for what's normal with my drugs and regimen, but really there's no way know exactly how it will affect me until I'm in the thick of it, or looking back on it from the perspective of time.

New day, new look.

Definitely on the mend. I think Thursday was the low point in my blood cell counts. This round felt a little worse than the last, possibly due to the increased Cisplatin dose that I got last Monday (from 140 to 170 ml).

The nausea has been worse, overall. Today I was actually woken up by nausea (not recommended, if you can avoid it) but have felt otherwise much more like myself. The mental fog I was in yesterday --seeming dangerously close to black-out level if I'd sit up too quickly -- is mostly gone today. I felt queasy and motion sick just from nodding in agreement yesterday.

The key, as everyone keeps telling me, is in the eating. It keeps the nausea away and keeps the energy up. But when nothing sounds good, and in fact every food you can think of seems a little stomach-turning, it's a real conscious effort to eat. I've always been blessed/cursed with a decent appetite, so this part of it is very new and strange to me.

JL shaved my head last night. I was stressed about the transition and she admitted that it was helpful for her to be a part of it as well. It was and is shocking to see myself in the mirror still.

The process of shaving ones head actually takes awhile, involving at least 3 steps. First a clipper is used to get down to a military buzz cut length, but those only get it so short. From there, shaving cream and a sharp facial razor got it down to almost nothing, but several passes were needed. Finally my new electric razor finished the job. It was JL's first head shaving, and she did great. I still have the same number of ears that I started with, and no nicks or cuts at all.

I've been sleeping oddly, which is about the only way that I can find to describe it. I'll wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, certain that I've been asleep for 6 hours or more, only to find that it's only been 50 minutes or so. I wake up 5 or 6 times during the night but sleep very deeply when I do sleep. This without sleep aids. Though I might get back on them tonight.

Hopeful that the recovery will continue nicely, and that the next chemo treatment (scheduled for Monday) is easier.

The New Do

Thursday

Boring title, but it's the best I can do.

Feeling very lethargic, still nauseous, dizzy and weak. Went to the acupuncturist today and that wiped me out enough that I needed another nap. Blood cell counts likely lowest of the cycle today.

Hair loss undeniable now, psyching myself up for shaving it all off tonight.

No appetite at all, but I know from experience that I need to eat something or the nausea will get worse. Just had some simple quinoa with chicken and peas a few minutes ago and the nausea is coming back down.

Another new symptom today: my tongue feels weird. Too big, perhaps. It tastes funny, and feels slightly numb, as do my lips. The feeling reminds me of something I've experienced before but not sure where. Some drug reaction, most likely. Or hypoxia? They talked about that during my pilot training... or low cell counts? No idea.

Sense of smell magnifying as well. Along those lines, I find that the more organic something is, the less it bothers me. I've given over my cologne for essential oils, and have taken to burning just white sage as incense.

Kaia (my dog) is very patient as always and seems a little concerned. Luckily, there is little in life she enjoys more than a nap, so she's very happy when I decide to take one myself.

Will post shaven-headed pix when I do the deed.

Brief update

Not much new to report, may be getting the hang of this chemo thing already: get chemo, feel crappy the next day, slightly less crappy the day after that, etc. My blood cell counts will be at their lowest in the cycle tomorrow, apparently, but by then the nausea should be wearing off. It's all manageable, just basically annoying. Hanging in there and taking good care of myself.

Keep On Keepin' On

Hanging in there today. Have been eating. Stuff is going down okay but still no appetite at all. It's a conscious process of reminding myself to do it. Speaking of which, I have a turkey sandwich on wheat from Seward Coop that is staring me down at the moment.

I had acupuncture this morning and that is a great non-medical way to fight the nausea. It works as well if not better than the prescription antiemetics, with no tiredness or "hangover" later. Truly, the acu is powerful medicine.

This Ain't No Mudd Club / Or C.B.G.B. / I Ain't Got Time For that Now

And just like that it all starts again. Back to the nausea, sense of taste all whacked. The Chemo is working.

I just took a two hour nap, trying to beat the window before the I.V. Steroid kinks in and I *can't* sleep tonight. When I laid down a fresh chicken burrito from Chipotle or Burrito Loco with beans and cheese and sour cream was sounding awesome.

That was then, this is now. With the first waves of nausea starting up, I know that the best thing is to get some food in me or it will only get worse. Nothing sounded good, so after staring at cupboards and fridge for awhile I selected a plain organic brown-rice ricecake. For the record, this really didn't sound good either, and they're bland at the best of times. But the blandness was what I was after. It tasted like cardboard, or maybe more like moldy cardboard. One of those off-taste moments like swigging milk right after drinking lemonade.

My stomach nearly rejected the first bite, and honestly it tasted terrible. Bland would have been preferable. I just had one from the same pack with peanut butter on it a couple of days ago and it actually tasted good and slightly sweet. Today, I ate 3/4 of the ricecake and am still getting up the courage to eat the last bite. At least it settled the stomach a bit.

The catch 22 of all of this is the lack of hunger and the odd sense of taste and smell leading to lack of eating, which leads to nausea, which makes me *not* want to eat, which makes the nausea worse. It's a weight loss plan that is ironically doctor-caused yet not doctor approved. I lost 10 pounds in the first week of chemo.

I don't recommend the process or the other side effects, but not eating at all sure makes the pounds fly right off.

This Ain't no Fooling Around

Back from Chemo. It went well, no nausea at all at the moment, really feeling just fine except I'd like to take a nap, which I will shortly. The steroid will kick in tonight and make it hard to sleep, so I need to take advantage of it while I can.

Oh, and out if curiosity I asked the nurse for the cost for the Chemo: about $5,000 per round (thats for 2 days of treatments, bloodwork, chemo drugs, doctor and nurse time, etc) or between $15,000 ad $30,000 for the whole thing (3 to 6 rounds). When I go to MCHA for health insurance I will hit my yearly out of pocket max within my first visit of the round. That first visit will hurt (the $3,000 that I will personally pay) but all health care will be 100% covered afterward for the rest of the year. Health insurance: it's a necessary evil. My guess is that this cancer stuff will cost my insurance company $70k-100k just this year alone. Ouch. I'd better run for governor or something, since Minnesota is doing a lot for me. I feel like giving back.

This Ain't No Disco

Had labs drawn (everything looks great) and met with the oncology Doc, Dr. Grampa. He said 3 to 4 rounds of chemo, which means about 6 to 9 weeks more of this. Surgery to follow about 30 days after last treatment. This isn't new information, exactly: just a clarification. I was told originally that it could be up to 6 rounds.

Chemo finally underway at about 10:45 am.

They had some troubles getting the I.V. In, it took 2 nurses and 3 sticks. After the first unsucessful one, I get more and more jittery, so that makes their job harder as well.

Feeling dizzy and tired from the Emend pill and from the Palonosetron I.V. injection (more anti nausea). IV saline running now. Actual chemotherapy drugs yet to come.

This Ain't No Party

Up at 7am so that I can make it to the Pharmacy right at 8 to pick up my Emend, the anti-emetic (anti nausea) pill that I have to take 1 hour before the first day of chemo in each round, and then once a day for the next 2 days.

While showering, noticed the first of the hair loss. It's slight, but I've been keeping a close eye on it since I started chemo 3 weeks ago, and this was the first day of hair loss. Likely will shave head this week. Another reminder that this is some serious sh*t: I've been feeling so good recently that its easy to forget that I'm doing Chemo.

Speaking of which, off to chemo on a few minutes. This is the long treatment that will take 4 or 5 hours hooked up to an IV. My mom will be there as well. The treatment itself isn't all that bad, and they actually make the patients very comfortable while there, with flatscreen HD tvs, leather vibrating heated la-z-boys, juice on demand, etc. And so far everyone at the clinic has been extremely, hugely kind, and the nurses and docs are very knowledgeable, experienced, and genuinely caring. It's a certain kind of person that goes into Oncology, since one has to be aware that patients are very sick and may not get ever get better, but so far I'm feeling it's the cream of the crop. It doesn't have a sad hospice feel, which is what I would have expected. Instead, the nurses feel more like awesome flight attendants (of which there are none in the real world) if that makes any sense: good natured, even jovial, anticipating all of your needs, answering all of your questions, tailoring the experience to fit your situation and checking in on you constantly.