Its Boosday!

Boo is doing great, and is starting to respond more and more to her new name.

I got up last night to use the restroom and noticed that she had moved off the couch and into the office, where she also has a bed -- she has a bed in the bedroom also, but maybe she was shy about coming in uninvited. So I invited her up on the bed for the first time. I know that this can a slippery slope if you don't plan to have the dog on the bed all the time, but its nice to have a dog on the bed, I think. Boo will learn eventually that the rule is: she can be on the bed, but only when Jen's *not* here. This worked great with Kaia, though there was nearly always some pouting on Kaia's part.

Boo on her couch.

So far, it's eerie how familiar Boo feels. She's been here less than 48 hours and already it seems like I've known her for far longer than that. She does look a lot like Mia (the all-white girldog that I had before Kaia) and acts a lot like both of them. But its more than that -- she's so easy to have around that I have to keep reminding myself that we only just met, and that this house and my expectations are all new to her.

I left briefly yesterday and there were no accidents or destroyed furniture or chewed-up shoes when I returned, and I heard no howling or barking. I wasn't too worried, but this is all a good sign. I'll leave for a little longer today at some point, and I'm hoping that it all continues to work out.

Mia in about 2009

In my experience with adopted hounds (Boo is my 8th greyhound) there is a pretty standard process by which they settle into their new homes. All greyhounds have had lives before, and have been uprooted many times. Most are shipped off to trainers in other states and may race in various different locations as well. Boo, as far as I can tell, was raised in Georgia, and raced in Kansas and West Virginia. It seems that she was then sold to a farm in Iowa where she had 4 litters of pups -- 15 total. Then, after retirement, on to Minnesota to live with a foster family for 2 weeks, then another foster family for a few weeks, and then -- finally -- here. So it's understandable that she doesn't really know whether this is just a stop off, or if she lives here now. Even still, she's quiet and well-behaved. This is one of the reasons (and a sad one, honestly) that greyhounds are favored by animal research facilities: they take well to being kenneled, and are quiet and don't complain very much. Some veterinarians also keep a greyhound as a blood donor: all dogs have the same blood type, and greyhounds have a higher than normal Total Blood Volume (TBV). They also tolerate having an IV in all the time, will live in a kennel, and are quiet and well mannered.

Kaia about 2010

So, after many changes in their past lives, I find that the first 3-6 months of being in their "forever home" the dogs are friendly and social, but aren't sure what this new place is. After that period, when it seems like they've figured out that they're really going to stay, I find that the next 3-6 months are key as they become very attached and may have some separation anxiety. The dog's personality determines what form this insecurity takes and the degree to which it manifests. After that 3-6 month separation anxiety period, the greyhounds seem to relax and settle in. My job is to be as consistent a fixture in her life as I can, and to establish safe spaces for her and a reliable routine. The more she feels safe here, the more she'll relax and trust that she's not going anywhere.

The Back, etc.


Over the past few days I've been stretching out my lower back in a quest to find something -- anything -- to alleviate the pain. This seems to help a bit, and I'm hoping that it will continue to get better. Likewise, I've been walking. No marathon treks yet, but 6 or 8 blocks at least each day. Hopefully this will strengthen the back and encourage the muscles to relax a bit.

Strangely, this sounds really good about now.

The leg has been better. I still don't know what's going on down there, but I do think that the nerves (that were messed up in the surgery) are coming back, as I feel mildly painful electric jolts into my inner thighs. And -- a new thing -- my thigh muscles in both legs are sore, not just the left leg, which was the troublesome one before. You know how sometimes your muscles cramp or spasm when you get really gold? My thighs feel like that sometimes during the day No spasms exactly, but the same soreness that might come from being punched in the thigh. Its not in exactly the same area as the numbness was, though. So it might be related, it might not. Its an annoying mystery.

The pain meds (60 mg daily) appear to be working for the most part. Coupled with the stretching and walking, I don't feel the need to go any higher. I'm hopeful that Mayo will have some insight, and I have a lot of eggs in that particular basket, hoping I'll have some answers sooner rather than later. I really do need to get off of these pain meds, though. On the day that I hit the 60mg/day level, I noticed that my skin looked ashen and there were dark circles under my eyes. It reminded me of my first glimpse of myself post-chemo. Anyhow: nothing new to report on that front, other than its all holding steady.

Free Beer and the Answer to All of Life's Questions

Not really. Just checking. Some of these posts -- and it seems to be the ones with the most provocative titles -- have been getting more readership than others. I have noticed that my post entitled "The Axis of Evil" has been getting a lot of love from Russia, and "The 20 mg Solution" (and a lot of my posts about Oxy), have been getting a similar amount of attention from Colombia. And I'm huge in Denmark, Romania and Slovenia, for some reason.

Likewise, an older post named "Psychosomatosis" continues to be perused regularly. Perhaps it's a shoegazer-death-jam band name or the name of a gripping, grocery-store mystery novel that perhaps involves someone waking from a coma... only to name the person that tried to kill them! 

For that matter, I also think "The 20mg Solution" would be a great band name. I might still use that one myself.

I can't see who's reading, but I do have some stats that give me some interesting information about how people access the blog in general. Safari (a Mac browser) is the #1 browser used, with Explorer and Firefox close runner-ups. Chrome (which is what I use, though I have excluded my own vists from the results) is a distant 4th. It's a great browser, people. Really. Firefox? That's so... 1998. A handful use the Opera browser, which is an off-off-off label browser that is simply horrendous. Whoever that is, you *really* need to switch to a better browser. 24 visits came from an a browser named Glue. I have no idea what Glue is.

Windows is the dominant operating system used, and not surprisingly. Windows accounts for 80-90% of all computers used worldwide.  This means that only 10-20% of worldwide computer users have any sense whatsoever. Oh no he di-int. Oh yes he di-id.

Desktops are still the primary means to access the blog. But desktop Linux lags well behind the relatively small numbers of iPhone, iPad and Android users. There is just 1 recorded access using a Samsung operating system to access the blog. Maybe that's my mystery fan from Belarus.

Drugs, and Conversations with Dr. Hunter

The pain has been ramping up to an almost unbelievable degree for me. 2 weeks ago I was on my 10mg 2x a day (20mg per day). Last night Jen and I nearly headed to the ER, but more and more opiates took care of the pain. As of today, I've managed to creep up to 20 mg 3x per day -- 60 mg total, or three times what I was one a few weeks ago. Likewise, the remaining pain is twice as bad as it was, even after the pain meds. At this point I'm feeling the pain constantly. Its like a sedative, and waking up is more like coming out of anesthesia than anything else. It is fixing the pain for the most past. I feel like now I'm at the pain level of people who live with some soreness in their backs. This level of pain management simply cannot continue, though. Right now I've crossed the line back into the "should not drive at all" category because of the pain meds. The side effects are of course ramping up as well, and I'm starting to develop nausea from all the Oxy-tin. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a room with big spiky walls that is is closing is, with decreasing options: pain, or soupy-headed dopiness. Today they may have converged: I have both.

I have an series of doctor appointments set up next week at Mayo, where I'll see a Urologist, an Oncologist and an orthapedist. I just talked with Dr. Hunter (my urologist, who is my primary Mayo doc) and he said that the orthopedist will likely need to request the scans she needs when I meet with her, rather than me being able to do them the day before with my other scans. Dr. Hunter said that rarely will the pre-order scans, since they're not totally sure what they will need or want without meeting with me. This makes sense, though it just isn't what I want to hear. What this means is that I will need to be back down to Mayo soon after our initial meeting to get an MRI (I could also do this locally to the Cities, I assume) and then meet with her again. I had been banking on the idea of finding some relief at this meeting, or at least some direction, but now it seems that I'll have to wait yet again for a different type of scan. 

Dr. Hunter mentioned that if the leg pain is tumor pain, they could do some localized radiation in that area. This might provide some relief, I would hope. 

What has me losing sleep right now is only partially the pain itself. Its also the thought that I may never get out from under it again.

People have asked, but I don't have a Caring Bridge site. Perhaps at some point -- when/if I'm in a state where I can't really take care of myself -- I may break down and set one up or something like it. But I have a feeling that I will resist for as long as I can. I'm just too independent, and I can pick up the phone to have Jimmy John's deliver me a sandwich, or to have a housecleaner over, or have a guy shovel my walk or mow my lawn easily enough. I may have to admit defeat at some point, but hopefully not anytime soon. 

Right now my brain is exceptionally fuzzy because of the pain meds, and my eyes don't quite focus correctly. I have no hunger at all. Please don't take it personally if I'm more forgetful than normal. Reminders are a great idea, and putting things in writing (email, text, etc.) is always best. 

There's really no chance that I could do my grad school classes (especially two intense classes than both involve teaching clinicals) with this level of pain and medication. And my classes are scheduled to start on February 1st. I have until then to decide if I'll cancel classes or not, but I'd rather have some idea beforehand. It may very well be down to the wire.

Dogs

One bright spot recently is that I've been auditioning new dogs this week. This sounds odd to put it this way (and its not like I'm making them read a selection from Shakespeare or anything) but its a process of figuring out who will best work with me and my house, my life and schedule, who will get along best with Jen's cat, etc. Losing Kaia was exceptionally hard, and tougher still as it came at an extremely bleak time for me. Its been incredibly difficult to have an empty house these past months.

A few weeks ago I volunteered to help ferry a crop of 6 new greyhounds, newly retired from the track, up to the cities. In that vanful of 6 excited and bewildered dogs (everything is new for retired greyhounds) I found two that I felt would be a good match for me, and I was able to observe them for a few hours on the trip back. I met one -- a big shiny, black, mellow, 3 year old boydog -- on Wednesday, and another -- a smaller, clownish, quiet, lovey-dovey, mostly-white 7 year old mamadog -- last night. Currently, the mamadog is my clear favorite. Like Kaia, she was a champion racer and then went on to raise 4 litters of pups. I'll have more information to share here once I make the final decision, but I hope to have a new dog-companion buy the end of the weekend. No one could ever replace Kaia, but it would give me a wonderful added daily purpose to have something else to focus on.

One interesting note: The mamadog has an ancestor in common with Kaia, and also an ancestor in common with my dear departed Woody, who I lost back in 2001 (purebred racing greyhound lineage is clearly documented for each dog back to the year 1820). Strangely (or perhaps not) I can see elements of both dog's personalities in the new mamadog.

Status Update (continued)

At about 2:30 the shivering faded away to almost imperceptible levels. Back pain is much better but not totally gone. It does seem like the 20mg pill is what I need right now. Although I have taken a couple of 10mg pills over the past 12 hours, so it's not really a very accurate scientific experiment. I'll see if I can get to 2 pm without the pain returning. If so, will pop another 20mg for 40mg total in 24 hours.

This past hour I have been feeling extremely thirsty, and have consumed about 1/2 gallon of water since I woke up. My tongue still seems dry, but coil be a side effect of the Oxy-tin. I did drink water today, of course: though less than normal.

I remember (with sadness) watching Kaia go through what looked like something similar (shivers, shakes) after she stopped drinking water, near the end. In her case, dehydration was almost certainly the cause. If my shivers were caused by dehydration it would have to have been pretty severe to get to the point of uncontrollable muscle tremors. Ir so I assume, in my non-doctor way. The water tastes good and so I'm continuing with that, slowly and steadily.

At about 3am I was struck by a intense wave of nausea. You know the signs: watering mouth, desire to spit, etc. certain that I knew what was next, I went so far as to move to the bathroom, bringing in (perhaps ironically) one of Kaia's old dog beds to sit on. I also took a 1mg antinausea pill (which I'm surprised stayed down). I'm not a throw-uppey person. I heaved just once in the past 30 years: the night after the first chemo treatment this summer. This time was close, though so far I seem to have avoided it.

I alao made myself a single piece of wheat toast a minute ago, which is what I would do for my dogs after they'd throw up, to settle their tummies if it seems like all they have sloshing around in there is pills. The pill is staying down as well, and the nausea is fading.

An odd night, but so far everything feels under control. The nausea and shivers are odd and new, and I really wish I knew what they could be from. Dehydration is possible, but seems like a long shot.

Likely heading back to bed soon, but will probably wait until 4am to be sure. The anti-nausea pills put me to sleep also, so I may not have much choice in the matter!

Anyhow: I hope this is just an anomaly, but I will call my G.P. (Dr. Larry) on Friday to keep him in the loop.

Likely I will have no more updates until Friday late morning, for those who might be worried.

Man, is it ever quiet this time of night. Even in the city.

Kaia

This is by far the most trusted and valued member of my daily support network and therapy team.